How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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