Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
