Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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