I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
