omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
