His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
