i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
