even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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