I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
