to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you would pick up someone in the library
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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