My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
