I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
