why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
