new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
