i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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