What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
