I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
