Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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