Don't you send me to vm
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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