I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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