I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize