My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize