The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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