Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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