did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
