im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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