My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
