I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
