It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
