If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
