The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
