maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
