Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
