It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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