Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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