its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
