wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
