My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am naked and annoyed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
