I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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