im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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