So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
