Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
