His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
