i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
