so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
