Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
