I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
