Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
