I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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