I'm jealous of your bromance
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now