do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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