U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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