btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
