Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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