THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
