well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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