I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
