like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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