he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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