I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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