I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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