i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
