Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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