I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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