Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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