you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
