I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
