Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
