I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
