I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
