Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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