You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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