My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
