She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My bed smells like the plague
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
