hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
