uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
