Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
