We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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