...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
