Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
