Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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