can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
