i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
