So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
